2 States: The Story of how Racist I am

              Something something nonsense something something idiot and racist something something.

               This would be the review of this book if it was written in Tamil according the wonderful 'National Treasure' - Chetan Bhagat. Trust me, I don't have a problem with him mentioning Tamil words as 'something something' because he doesn't know that language. I know Tamil is not the easiest language to learn especially for North Indians but does he seriously want us to believe that Ananya's family never spoke in Tamil except for those ten lines of something?? Okay, where's my manners? I haven't given the plot summary yet. Here it is. 

                             

                       Again, this is the second Chetan Bhagat book I am reading and this too has a simple enough story: A Punjabi guy falls in love with a Tamilian or Madrasi (for those of you who don't recognise the word Tamilian), and somehow they try to convince their parents to let them marry. 

                   

                           But somehow Chetan Bhagat manages to ruin yet another straight forward story. Just like One Indian Girl, this book too reads like the final script of Kyun Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi or any other serial in any language for that matter. Stupid old ladies talking only about gold, dumb girls who would be useless if not for their father's wealth, the hero and heroine enjoying a minute of romance in between all chaos and a horrible back story about an abusive father. Despite all this I would have given this book a decent 5/10 but again Mr. Bhagat screwed up. He depicts all the Tamilians except Ananya (of course) as idiots of the worst order while his mother is finally the angel who is perfectly right when she wants to keep her 'Madrasi' daughter-in-law under her control. 

                    

                             I was looking forward to reading at least a little about life in IIM but, boy was I wrong. Krish's life in IIM is abridged into 15 pages max and all it tells is how Krish and Ananya have sex in his room when they are supposed to be studying micro economics and how they make lovey eyes at each other during the class. 

                     Again, as I already said in the previous review, I am ready to forgive this guy if he at least got some facts about Tamilians right. Yes, we apply coconut oil in our hair, or at least we used to but no we don't put much of it in our food. That's the Malayalis!!! Yes, we do value IITs and Rajinikanth a lot but Tamilians don't use Aiyo in every other sentence. It's actually as offensive as the f-word is and very inauspicious. And the way the idiot insults one of the most famous singers of all time- MS Subbulakshmi!! If he came anywhere near me I would strangle him to death! And the other inaccuracies are horrible. He doesn't have to type whole sentences in Tamil but why in heaven's sake does he have to show us that he knows some words in Tamil too. He arranges the words in the exact reverse order everywhere, turning perfect sentences into stupid ones.

For example:

‘Illa practice?’ It's actually 'Practice illa?'

‘Illa service quality’  I am sorry I can't help you here. I don't understand what he means by this.

                   

                         But whatever his feelings might be regarding Tamilians, he was obviously 'inspired' (read he has copied from) by various Tamil movies. The pattern of the hero and heroine going to their lover's house as if on an exchange program and trying to convince them is a ruse that was used in quite a lot of Tamil movies during the 90's. Mr. Bhagat only changed the location of the hero's house. If you want to check which movies this was stolen from, just mention it in the comments and I'll give you the entire list.

   

                    

                             Coming back to the story of course, if there's love, there has to be break up. So that's not a problem for me. And yet again Chetan Bhagat escapes (sort of) with a semi good ending. But as most of the reviewers in Goodreads say, Chetan Bhagat's books (with very few exceptions) don't have much of life in them. They just exist like a brain dead patient. I never thought any book would offend me as much as Asura- The Tale of the Vanquished (by Anand Neelakantan) did, but Chetan Bhagat easily outdid that in a matter of a few pages.

Some of the quotes from this book:

I imagined Ms Swaminathan had received more male attention in the last week than she had in her entire life.  

               FYI, we Tamilians are not referred by our father's names alone. It's either Ms. Ananya Swaminathan or just Ms. Ananya. But heck, this is better than the bullshit that was Chennai Express (Meenalochani Alagusundaram!!!) 

‘Someone who tells stories that are fun but bring about change too. The pen’s mightier than the sword, one of the first proverbs we learnt, isn’t it?’

‘Then, what is the matter? What is this childish behavior? Like you don’t even acknowledge me in class.’

Ananya’s mother walked behind in a glittery haze. Her magenta and gold Kanjeevaram sari could be noticed from any corner of the lawn. She looked as if she had fallen into a drum of golden paint. 

‘I am not facing it yet. I have to sell a thousand bottles of ketchup every week. I am so behind my targets.’ ‘You’d better ketch-up fast,’ I said. 

Some extra bonus somethings:

‘Safety pin illa something something,’her mother replied.

‘Something something Gandhi Ashram something recommend something.’

‘Something something illa illa!’

‘Something something illa knowledge Punjabi people something.’ 

‘Intellectually, culturally zero. Something something crass uneducated something.’

I think that would be enough for one review.

Finally, the rating

2/10 - Far below average.